Hamish MacTavish is careering down the road in his old Ford car when a policeman pulls him over.

"Excuse me, sir," says the cop. "Would you mind blowing into this bag?"
"By all means," says Hamish. "Would you like me to play a jig or a reel?"

"No, no," says the cop. "This bag tells you how much you have been drinking."
"Oh, there is no need for that," says Hamish. "I have got one of my own at home... I married her!"

OSHO