The father was reading the school report which had just been handed to him by his hopeful son, Nasrudin. His brow was wrathful as he read: "English, poor; French, weak; Mathematics, poor; History, weak;" and he gave a glance of disgust at the quaking lad.

"Well, Dad," said Nasrudin, "It is not as good as it might be, but have you seen that?"
And he pointed to the next line, which read: "Health, excellent." - OSHO

A Russian, a Cuban, a Catholic priest and Swami Deva Coconut are on a train traveling across Europe. The Russian takes out a large bottle of vodka. He pours each of his companions a drink, and then throws the half-full bottle out of the window. "Why did you do that?" asks Swami Coconut.

"There is so much vodka in my country," replies the Russian. "We have more than we can ever use."
A little later, the Cuban passes around a box of Cuban cigars. Everyone takes one, then he throws the rest of the box out of the window.

"My god!" says Coconut. "Why did you do that?"
"Cigars," replies the Cuban, "are a dime a dozen in my country. We have more of them than we know what to do with!"

Coconut sits in silence for a moment. Then he gets up, grabs the Catholic priest and throws him out of the window.

Mulla Nasruddin fingered a banker who was coming out of his office and said, "What about two annas for a cup of coffee?"
The Mulla was looking so distraught, so sad, that the man felt for him, and he said, "Here is one rupee. Take it and have eight cups of coffee." So Mulla went.

Next day he was again there on the steps of the office, and as the banker came out, he punched his face, on the nose.
The man said, "Hey, what are you doing? And this is after I gave you one rupee just yesterday? What type of thankfulness is this?"

Mulla said, "You and your lousy eight cups of coffee." And he punched him again on his nose and said, "They kept me awake the whole night!"................OSHO
 

Little Ernie is looking through the family photo album when he comes across a photo of his parents' wedding day.

Ernie calls his father over, and pointing to his mother's wedding dress says, "Was that the day that Mum came to work for us?"....................OSHO

Old Priest Pooper dies, and leaves only unpaid bills behind. After the doctors, the hospital, and all the others are settled, there is no money left to bury the old guy. So Grandma Nutcan decides she will go around the town and ask those who knew the priest to help provide a decent burial. She finds it is not an easy task, but after many long hours of devoted work, her collection is only one dollar short for the funeral.

She looks around, but it seems she has asked everyone. Suddenly she spies a stranger sitting at the bus stop. Amazingly, it turns out to be Swami Deva Coconut. Grandma approaches him and says in a tired and worried voice, "Would you give me a dollar to bury a priest?"

Coconut jumps up, pulls out his wallet, and hands her some money. "Lady," he says, "here are five dollars. Go out and bury five of them!".................OSHO

"I locked my husband out of the house last week for playing around with other women," sobs young Mrs. Bedspring in the confession box. "And now he wants me to take him back. What should I do, Father?"You must take him back," replies Father Fungus, patting her hand through the curtain. "It is your Christian duty. But first," Fungus continues, tightening his grip, "how would you like to get even with the bastard!" ..OSHO

Paddy and his friend Sean were sitting in a bar moaning to each other, talking about how ugly their wives are -- a common topic among husbands.

"My wife is so ugly," said Sean, "if I want to make love to her I have to put a bag over her head."
"That's nothing," said Paddy. "My wife was so ugly when she was born that the doctor slapped her mother."